So, I’ve been living in a thrifty reality for far too long. I buy thrift store jeans. Have for years. They are worn in, (yes, I wash before wearing), perfectly good and cheap. I’ve found Guess, 7 for Humanity, Banana Republic, J Crew and so on. So for some insane reason I thought I’d go and buy a pair of new jeans. Oh, the ugly humanity of it all! I went to Nordstroms, Macy’s Dillard’s, Gap, Old Navy, Nordstroms Rack, J Crew and then I thinked I black out and can’t remember any more. I was sad, and I felt old like I can’t keep up with the trends. Just put me in some double knit pants with the elastic waist and shove me in the back seat.
What was the problem? Well, for starters since when do designers consider lyrca or spandex in jeans a good thing? If anyone has worn jeans with stretch sure they look good for the first 5 minutes you wear them but then they start to sag a little and you are constantly pulling up your pants especially if your butt is flat like mine. Cotton just holds you in better, drapes nicely and preforms better. And let me tell you that even though you are buying a size 4 you really are just stuffing a size 8 or 10 ass into a denim sasuage casing. And that they keep messing with the sizes doesn’t help. On my quest I went into J Crew where now they have – a size 00. A SIZE 00! I am a woman, I have curves I have a little fat roll, I am not a size 00 or a 0. I’m not a 2 or a 4. In reality I am at least a 6 or maybe an 8. I think I was a size 00 when I was in junior high, maybe high school but I don’t even think that size existed back then. It’s just kind of insulting.
There are so many choices of jeans that there are no choices. I think Gap had 11 different types of women’s jeans, yet they all looked like crap. All of them had the low rise even the mid rise was really low like 2 or 2 1/2 inches( I didn’t have my measuring tape) below the navel. So when you sit with a low rise jean and if you are a woman that does not exercise like Sarah Jessica Parker or Madonna you will have this little inner tube of fat going around your mid-section. So picture if you will, a woman with her inner tube of fat, bending down to pick up her book that she dropped and now you see Plumber Jane’s Crack, which really is just as ugly as Plumber Joe’s crack. Now, if you were wearing 100% cotton jeans with a decent, not-high-waisted granny rise, but decent rise you would not experience this horrible vision.
None of the stores listed had 100% Cotton jeans, except in the men’s area. And to make matters worse so many stores are sizing their jeans with the waist size like they do men’s. What the….? But, they don’t size the waist at the true waist line. Because my God, who wears jeans at the natural waist line? (I love you Jessica Simpson) So where do they get the waist line measurement? It all seems a little nebulous and kooky. For a Gap pair I tried on my waist size which is 27 but I was swimming in them.
Where does this leave me and my quest for 100% cotton jeans? It leaves me at the sewing table where I have cut out a pair of pants custom fit to my butt, my rise, mine mine mine. We’ll see how they turn out.